“Well I wasn’t in the least bit homophobic growing up and was pretty close with my uncle so I didn’t mean anything at all against gay people. The fact is that it had just become common schoolboy slang.“

I understand this. I think those who have never loved a homosexual before might be more prone to accepting “schoolboy” slang. I often used the same sort of ignorant speech when I was in my elementary school years and then became more aware of what I was saying once I realized I loved someone who was gay. I don’t remember when exactly – but I stopped using the term gay (or fag, homo, etc…) in a negative context sometime during my teenage years. I don’t know, but it’s plausible that to this day I would still be doing it if I had never had any sort of close relationship with someone who identified with anything other than heterosexuality.

If one loves even a single non-heterosexual, surely then will words like “gay” cease to be used in a pejorative context.

Growing up, I had a gay uncle (still do actually) and I will never forget a certain incident that happened when I was about 12 years old. I was discussing my school baseball team with him and how the board of education had switched the rules from fastball to slow pitch. I actually said “yeah it’s so gay” exactly like that.

Well I wasn’t in the least bit homophobic growing up and was pretty close with my uncle so I didn’t mean anything at all against gay people. The fact is that it had just become common schoolboy slang.

It was subconcious – but the second the words left my mouth I hated myself for saying it. Ever since then I’ve always wanted to talk to him about it, and apologize, but I have never brought it up.

Anyways, now I always call people out when they use that word in a negative context.

“Peter, it can’t be the fact that they’re frightened that motivates you to correct. If that were it, you’d recognize that the interrogation dialogue you sketched up above would absolutely terrify most 12 year olds.“

When there is fear, is it not imperative that we are honest with that fear and then discuss it so as to understand it with the intent of ridding ourselves of it?

I’m not sure why you classify questioning a student on his/her meaning of something said as “interrogation”. I’m also curious as to why you have the perception that a child would be frightened by such dialog. Surely if we are patient and gentle we can discuss without making the child feel as if they are being atacked or punished. So when a child says “you throw like a girl” what do you suggest should be done? Nothing? How would a dialog go if you were in the position of an adult?

When comments like “that is so gay” or “you throw like a girl” are made, they are born from ignorance and fear.

Please, I’m open to suggestions. I don’t have the answers but as a teacher/parent, it does not feel right to ignore such comments.

To all y’all discussing “that’s so gay”, a friend of mine over at rage for breakfast suggests a new meaning for “gay”. Instead of a pejorative adjective, Lucy suggests that we begin to use “gay” consistently as part of the prepositional transitive-verb clause “to be gay for”, meaning to really like. For example, I enjoy most Japanese food, so I might say that “I’m gay for sushi”.

It’s hard to remove a meaning. And some pejoratives that have become complements — “pimp” comes to mind — are still misogynist and problematic. I do use “gay” as a positive: “That shirt looks really gay on you. I like it.” Or, “His swagger has this weird femininity to it. Is he gay?” Or, speaking about a spin-the-bottle event with all guys, “This game is so gay.” But I use it with esentially it’s traditional meaning of implying a sexual orientation identity. I’m not going to wait for “this game is so gay” to become universally positive, because it will be saddled too long with the conflation of implications that “gay is feminine” and “feminine is inferior”.

And your latest post suggests that if a child says “you throw like a girl” they’d also get the same interrogation treatment. Somehow, I don’t think that’s what would happen. We’re not quite as sensitive about being sensitive to differences, and all that, on some issues (and of course some differences must positively be stamped out!).

I was a little confused by Jennifer’s No. 2 item, particularly the suggestion that one would “want to raise your child to value the content of character rather than the shape of the body? If this is true of friendships when they are young, maybe it can also extend to romance as they grow older.” Is this a suggestion that sexual preference is changeable, or not? I can’t help but read this as a suggestion that, in a hypothetical just future, individuals would choose their partners on gender neutral criteria. But surely that’s not what’s intended–or if it is, then surely we can have a talk about whether that’s what “fairness” requires.